Marriage counseling

Words and questions that must be said in the first courtship meeting

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The first courtship meeting is usually held to get to know each other better, so you must observe important points in behavior and speech in this meeting.

Important and delicate questions of the first courtship meeting

One of the most important parts of dating is the conversation between a girl and a boy. But many young people do not know how to start a conversation with the person they want and what questions to ask him in order to get to know him better. In this section of Relationships Plus Marriage counseling, a list of questions that must be asked in the meetings is presented.


The first question of a boy to a girl should be related to the introduction and summary of the past, and the boy should also introduce himself and briefly express his life. A person’s history and biography should include complete introduction, occupation, age, level of education, occupation of parents, level of education, number of family members and their employment, education and age status.


The second question should be about religious issues, and boys and girls should test the other person’s expectations and religious criteria with this question. Asking this question can be like this: What is the extent of your adherence and belief in religious issues such as prayer and fasting?

3- General policy of life

The answer to this question can indicate the other person’s life policy, for example: Is your future life based on religious orders, foreign culture or personal taste?

4-Adherence to cultural values

Your fourth question should be about cultural values, the answer to this question expresses the extent of the other person’s adherence to cultural values.

For example, ask what you think about your future wife’s clothing.

What do you think about the presence of your future wife in the circles and gatherings of relatives?

5-Intellectual and emotional independence

By asking a question like: How important is the opinion of his parents and his friends in life? It is possible to measure the amount of talkativeness, dependence on parents and friends, permission to interfere with others, etc. in the opposite person.

6-General goals of life

Ask about the general and main goal of the person in life, because he may be very interested in science, sports, art, etc., but you are the opposite of him.

7-Social communication

At this stage, you can find out the degree of sociability of the person in front of you by asking questions such as (Do you have social activities or what is your opinion about the social activities of your spouse in the workplace or between relatives while maintaining Sharia and customary rules?) Find out his opinion about his wife’s presence in society.

8-Family connections

By asking questions about family communication, you will be able to find out the person’s personality type, i.e. introvert or extrovert, and you can also find out if he communicates a lot with his single friends, i.e. is he an open friend or not.

How much do you like to hang out with your friends and relatives and your spouse’s relatives?

9-City of residence

Which city do you want to live in in the future?

10-Type of residence

Do you want to live in the same place with your family or live independently?

If your partner wants to live with his family, you should know if he wants to live with them in a neighborhood, a complex, an apartment, a floor or a unit.

11-Male employment

The person’s job should be asked in detail and he should clearly state his job status and not generalize about his job, for example, he should not say that he works in the market because there are all kinds of jobs in the market. You should know that some jobs such as acting, politics, military, etc. are part of special jobs and special spirits can cope with these jobs.

12-Political-social activities

Do you agree with your wife’s social-political activity?

Important points regarding the first meeting of the courtship ceremony

Dating is one of the most important dates in your life that many people don’t have much experience with, read these recommendations and prepare for this important night.

  1. The conversation should be done after formal courtship on behalf of the families and research and knowledge of some conditions that are obtained in the investigation phase, not at the beginning of acquaintance. This means that the conversation should be done in the last stages of research and before the wedding ceremony.
  2. The conversation should be done in a calm atmosphere, without fear and pressure from others and calmly.
  3. Be stylish, clean and fragrant and wear your best clothes when going on a date because first meetings always remain in the mind. Many people with the opinion that the other person should know their life situation go to court in inappropriate and not very clean clothes, but courting in this way is not correct and does not leave a pleasant memory.
  4. If you find out about the girl’s interests about the favorite color and flower before the proposal, attract her by buying this type of flower, but do not overdo it in order not to show a dependent personality.
  5. When talking to the other person in the first meeting, say all your words honestly and uniformly and commit to being completely honest. In this assembly, don’t be a statue and sit comfortably. Honesty in behavior and speech can reduce your anxiety.
  6. Do not behave inappropriately during the entire courtship ceremony and maintain your composure and dignity. You should know that inappropriate and naughty behavior does not make you cheerful, lively and social, but it shows a bad mentality.
  7. Control your eyes during the courtship ceremony, don’t let yourself wander, only look at him when you feel he is looking at you so that he feels that you value his beauty.
  8. Maintain your boundaries both legally and socially and do not hold her hand or touch her until you are intimate with her.
  9. Your distance from the other person should not be so far that you have to speak loudly and not so close that you look bold. This distance should be suitable.
  10. Don’t sit completely in front of each other and lean a little so that you have to turn your head a little to see each other. Of course, you should not be out of sight and not see each other’s faces completely.
  11. When the person you want is speaking, listen carefully and be careful to remember what was said and sometimes by saying phrases like “Yes”, “Wonderful”, “What’s interesting” and… Show that you are paying attention to his words. When speaking, speak carefully and don’t be rude and don’t jump from one branch to another.
  12. Your first question to the person in front of you should be about introducing and explaining his past. You should know that he relies on points that are important to him when introducing himself. After he introduces himself, introduce yourself and talk about your past.
  13. To introduce yourself, state your first and last name, occupation, age, occupation of parents, level of education, occupational and educational status and age of other family members, family life conditions and special issues of your life in the past.
  14. Pay attention to concrete examples and examples and don’t just discuss general concepts. With examples, put your other party in objective and real situations.
  15. Everyone answers the questions according to their mentality and imagination, so the perception of others about a concept is different from your perception, and not paying attention to this point will cause problems in the future, so it is better in such cases before planning. The question in question, first ask your opponent to explain about such concepts and then raise the main question.
  16. The answers and their quality show the type of personality and views of the other party and show the level of his intellectual and intellectual growth. So, in order to reach a suitable summary, put all the answers together.
  17. If you have any doubts about the topic of your conversation, ask the topic in a different format and check the answers side by side.
  18. Don’t get caught. Don’t make promises that you can’t fulfill in the future, so don’t get carried away and don’t make false promises, but say that you will always try to improve your material and spiritual life.
  19. Don’t quote other women in your life like your mother and sister.
  20. Courtship is primarily respect and dignity for the female sex, so don’t flaunt your possessions and don’t brag.
  21. Do not lead the conversation to heavy and negative issues such as incidents and events in the society and keep the conversation mild and positive. Talking about heavy and negative topics will destroy the grace of the conversation and reduce the enthusiasm of the other party, and will not show you as a knowledgeable and intellectual person.
  22. Women don’t like you talking to them about sex, so never talk about sex. Some men want to look different, but you should know that women are not looking for a sexual hero, so if you bring up sexual issues in the first courtship session, you will destroy her comfort and peace.

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